Mad Steez
Mad Steez
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sarahisntgold:

jaredpadaleckicumstomatosauce:

sarahisntgold:

dumbfricker:

i crashed my sleigh into the bridge i dont care i love it

Santa was unable to handle the stresses of this holiday season. As they are for everyone, the holidays are a huge burden, like many individuals today, Santa hit the bottle hard. It is said Mrs. Claus left him shortly after Thanksgiving, right when the season was getting underway. Feeling alone, dejected, rejected, forgotten, and overworked he let his frustrations out on the elves who in turn, took their frustrations out on the reindeer. 
Olive, the other reindeer, (whose name has, unfortunately, been lost through the years) convinced the pack that Santa was no longer the jolly man he once was. Rudolph reportedly said, “That fat bastard has taken us on one test flight too many.” In agreement, the other reindeer felt it was time to show the no longer jovial fellow who the actual boss was. 
Bernard, the elf heading the flight sector, knew of the reindeer plans and felt the team was acting appropriately to the recent events. According to him the team had had enough and felt they “deserved better” and were looking into other employment opportunities. Bernard did nothing to stop this brewing plan, though he now admits he was not aware of the extent the team would go. 
Unfortunately, by the time Bernard felt tensions were at their height the Elf Revolt was already in progress. Toy production was at a complete halt, and productivity in the design department was at a standstill as well. A trusted informant tells us that this is when Santa, at an all time low, grabbed his already nearly empty bottle of absinthe and his hat in route to the sleigh.
Being pelted by both rejected candies and snowballs, Claus reportedly fought his way through the angry elf crowd, causing several small riots and numerous injuries. He requested Bernard to hook the team to the sleigh announcing he was taking a “trial run”. This is the point where things really took a turn.
The deer immediately took off without so much as snap of the whip. It is said witnesses heard the reindeer saying something to the effect of, “This will be the ride of your f*ckin’ life, Santy.” 
Santa was found with a blood alcohol level of nearly two and a half times the legal limit of the North Pole, which is already markedly high when compared with that of other nations. It is a safe assumption he did not feel much in the crash that took his life. 
The events that took place after the team, sleigh, and Mr. Claus left the loading dock are unknown. Shortly after two AM it was reported to elf authorities that the team never made it back. It is rumored that all ten reindeer are currently in Northern Canadian wilderness, though these are purely based on hearsay.
Investigations are underway. Bernard is being held by elf authorities, though it is highly unlikely any legal actions will be pursued due to the large scale involvement of the Revolt, the bias many hold against Claus, and the unjust, unconstitutional, elf legal system.
Funeral arrangements are unknown at this time, and it is hard to say if any true mourners will be in attendance. Mrs. Claus has no comment on the situation and is believed to be a co-conspirator.
Santa will be missed and hopefully remembered as the man he once was, not the man he became.  

THIS IS PURE GOLD

oh my god, i forgot I did this. 
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aliru:

full-four:

More autumn here

I can’t stop, I’m sorry
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I love these girls
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stunningpicture:

Out having a pint with a friend when my wife sent me this.
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Time will tell…. #nixon #watches #bestgiftever #ilovehersomuch #madsteez #fresh
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lehurlement:

The Boombox by sandrino on Flickr.
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This is what it’s like when you kiss me :D
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